WHEN MATTRESSES ATTACK
As if my regular commute wasn't frustrating enough, I was attacked today by two flying mattresses. Like Walter Payton avoiding a tackle by a defensive linesman, I successfully swerved and avoided the first attack. Unfortunately, a direct hit was taken from the lumbering linebacker.

It all happened so fast. Just moments before the incident, I stared at the mattresses roped to the top of the pickup truck in front of me. I pondered the wind gusts that were blowing today...were they strong enough to break the slipknots in the twine binding down said bedding? My answer came quickly, my friends. It all happened in slow-mo. You see, I was speeding, er "traveling with the traffic", down the highway. I noticed the first inkling of movement between the mattresses and the pickup cap. Suddenly, the twine broke loose, flowing freely through the air, release the missiles as if the pickup had locked down its target....and we have lift off !!

As the first mattress slipped by the right side of my vehicle post-swerve, I looked up and was stunned to find the second mattress bouncing end over end toward me. Traffic surrounded me, my only hope was that a good bounce and swift wind would carry the blundering projectile successfully over my vehicle.

No such luck. A mere $1200 and a new hood later, I will have avenged the attack. The ditzy driver was nice enough to stop. It's in the hands of our insurance companies now. I was a bit stunned at his reply, however, when I mentioned that he'd need some help gathering up his losses. "Eh, I'm not going after them now". These were brand new mattresses...so I can only imagine they were not only bouncy, but a little less-than-legally-purchased as well.

It could have been worse...I was blessed to escape the incident unharmed. At least I can now say that I was once accosted by flying mattresses. Not everyone can make such a statement. I cherish the originality !!